The Grief Monster

Lilye Waters • February 9, 2023
The Grief Monster

Side Note: This was written only a few hours before my dad told me it was time to put my mom in comfort care.



At this time in my life, I am on a rocky road of watching my mom dwindle from her battle with cancer and everything else medically. The hardest thing at this time is seeing my mom struggling and not knowing the hour or day that she will not have to struggle anymore. There have been so many before me that have walked this path with their loved ones and so many after me that will walk the same path. These troubles that trouble us are all around.


In these trouble times we can experience many emotions but let us focus on – GRIEF. We don’t know when the grief monster is going to come and the troubles we face don’t always give us a letter of notification. Sitting there yesterday with my mom holding her hand, I thought about all the troubles that have come my way like bullets these last couple of weeks. I received no notification that the journey I am walking now was going to come with a visit from the Grief monster.

Window Covered in Raindrops Covering Rainbow

I thought about how will I face this loss when it comes –  am I stronger enough, can I be strong for those around me, did I spend enough time with my mom, did I give her the best days I could and so many other thoughts. Feeling out of control is hard but the reality is I was never in control in the first place.  God is in control (Job 12:7-25).  The only thing I really can control and only with the allowance of God’s help is how am going to grieve.  Grieving is not for the faint of heart it takes strength and courage to rise from the ashes, to acknowledge and accept the pain while still running toward the finish line for a glimmer of hope, and to be willing to let vulnerability take place so others can see that joy can come back again but it might take lots of weeping in the day and night for a little while.  One of my favorite quotes is from Dolly Parton, “The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.”


 Grief is a storm. What will we learn in the storm so we can see the rainbow? Can grief teach us anything?


Grief can transform us from the ashes just like the legendary mystical bird, the Pheonix.  It can teach us who we are, what do we want to be, what might we need to change.  Grief can teach us about faith and hope, love and mercy, grace and compassion, and the precious meaning of life and relationships.


Grief shows us our strength, determination,  and resilience. 


Will we allow grief to teaches us anything or will we stay in the ashes of despair? Will we allow God to be our rock or will we blame Him for our grief?  Will we believe that to see the rainbow, we have to go through the rain, no matter how hard it’s raining?


Grief is painful, exhausting, lonely, heavy, and complex. Finding meaning in it can be difficult and overwhelming.  This has been my experience and how it is challenging me in so many areas.  There is no “one size fits all” formula as we suffer.  It comes in many forms. 

Jesus Holding Cross in Front of Sunset

I think about God and His son Jesus Christ.  Jesus Christ being beaten, bloodied, humiliated, and rejected. God watched His son go through this. Grief, oh my what pain to see this.   I have kids and cannot imagine.  I don’t begin to understand all the complexities of this Biblical truth but what I know is this is the rain (the storm) and the rainbow only comes out after the rain. 


Where will your grief take you?

Woman Smiling for Selfie

Lilye Waters

Lilye is inspired by her 20+ years of personal and professional experiences with the mission to encourage others to find beauty in the ashes and refuse to sink despite any obstacle. Lilye is a devoted mom, wife, and caseworker with years of experience in the social service field with emphasis on family and marriage, teaching, adoption, foster care, at risk youth, and mentoring young adults.

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