There are times where you may be consciously putting an effort to tame your tongue and the other person is freely letting their tongue set the spark resulting in the forest catching on fire. This is hard so very hard. It is in that moment, that the best thing you can do is keep your boundaries intact, silently call out to the Lord, and the conversation might just have to be tabled until there is a better time for all to cool down.
Toothpaste and Communication
Lilye Waters • February 9, 2023
My favorite illustration of letting my mouth speak freely without a conscious effort to tame my tongue is the visualization of toothpaste. Toothpaste when used can be squeezed too hard, the toothpaste squirts out, and it is impossible to get any of it back into the tube. In one of my workshops, in the past about communication, I have used the toothpaste illustration to let parents visualize how impossible it is to get the toothpaste back into the tube. The harder I tried to get the toothpaste back into the tube, the bigger mess I made. The same is true with our words toward anyone we communicate with. In James 3: 1-11, we see this same discussion about taming the tongue and the outcome of when you don’t as the concept is illustrated through the use of bits in horses’ mouths, ships steered by a very small rudder, or a great forest fire set by one small spark.
Words can lift or words can tear down. As parents and children, this is such an important crucial thing to remember. We have to be careful about how we use our mouths and tame our tongues at all times. Especially in those moments when we are angry or hurt. Before we squeeze the toothpaste we need to just stop and breathe, take a moment to put effort into thinking about what you are about to say before you say it and seek God’s wisdom. We will all screw this up as I know I have with my teen and young adult kids. I had an incident this weekend with a family member that on my part, I sadly allowed my mouth to open freely not taming my tongue. I didn’t put conscious effort into the words I spoke on some parts of the conversation. We have our flaws and moments will happen. However, if we take the time to allow ourselves to take steps each day to be better at taming our tongue this will become a habit, and communication more effective. I always say “Rome was not built in a day”. We will make errors but in those errors, we can make small adjustments that will eventually become big changes for the better. Stopping to think before we speak can help the damage control you need to do from the aftermath being a little less messy.
According to Proverbs 12:18, the words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.
They say it takes 21 days to make a habit so maybe it’s worth it when you begin to speak to remember the toothpaste illustration and don’t squeeze too hard! Speak with a tamed tongue, speak the truth with a soft tone, and speak to the person not down to the person.
James 3:1-11
New International Version
Taming the Tongue
3 Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2 We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.
3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal.
4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.
5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.
6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind,
8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it, we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness.
10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.
11 Can both freshwater and saltwater flow from the same spring?
Lilye Waters
Lilye is inspired by her 20+ years of personal and professional experiences with the mission to encourage others to find beauty in the ashes and refuse to sink despite any obstacle. Lilye is a devoted mom, wife, and caseworker with years of experience in the social service field with emphasis on family and marriage, teaching, adoption, foster care, at risk youth, and mentoring young adults.
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As we approach the Christmas Holiday, I find myself reflecting on the things I cherish most in life. My relationship with God and my family are my top priority. As I look around my home, I take moments to pause and thank God for all he his has given me. Each day goes by so quickly, and the time I share with my loved ones is precious. Through the good and the bad, through loss and new beginnings, I look to my help which comes from above, and I give thanks for my blessings. Through all we’ve endured I am grateful for my God’s word and his peace. No matter the circumstance, his words remain the same and he gives us direction on how to respond to every situation in life. In my home, there is a presence of love and peace. It’s cultivated through continuous prayers and the beauty of its decor which my mother is responsible for. My mom loves to decorate and during the Holiday season, she enjoys putting her hands to work displaying her talent for creating beautiful center pieces and other decorative items, throughout our home. For her grandchildren, and those who are kids at heart, we all enjoy seeing these works displayed and remembering the years of Christmas before. For me, I enjoy this part of the Holidays so much because I see the joy it brings. My mother spends this time setting up our home to welcome in others and enjoy what God has given us. Each of my parents strive to provide a place that welcomes all and when you enter our home, you become part of the family. We enjoy having others over to fellowship, laugh and talk about life. These simple acts of love are what I seek to continue to provide for my daughter as well. When I have the privilege of purchasing my first home, I want to abide there with this same peace. Without peace, it won’t feel like home and peace may seem to be a simple thing, but it has the greatest impact in life. As a mother, I take great pleasure in watching my child grow and seeing the goodness of God in her life. Children are filled with so much purity and honest love from God, and this is something I treasure. I don’t just treasure it, but I also take time to continue to teach my daughter of what it means to love and be kind. We don’t always get along with others, but we should show love and kindness. When my daughter tells me about her day, she often expresses frustration over some of the other children’s actions. I remind her, no matter how you are treated, always show love and kindness. I let her know it’s not okay to allow others to hurt or misuse you. I tell her to stand up for herself and remind her it matters how you respond to a situation. We all are works in progress and even though we may mess up by responding the wrong way, we can try to do better the next time and strive to show God’s love. This time of the year is a great reminder of just that. This Holiday season, my mission is to continue walking in love and peace. As the end of this year approaches, it is truly a good time to reflect on our relationship with God. We know this season is to celebrate the birth of Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. The best way to honor him is to draw near to him and his word. I look forward to stepping into a new year with an attitude of gratefulness. I know the plans and works God has for my life are greater than anything I can imagine. Ending this year only means the beginning of another. As I think about this, I am reminded of this scripture, Philippians 3:13-14, “Brethren, I count not myself to have apprehended: but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.” With this, I am taking time to thank my God for living and dwelling in me. Without Him, I am no one and with Him I am everything! I don’t know what tomorrow brings and I understand tomorrow is not promised to any of us. For this reason, I live each day asking my God to dwell in me and I read His word. As I renew my mind through His word, I am strengthened to walk as child of God, and everything set before me is in His hands. This gives me great hope for my future and days yet to come. I am stirred in my spirit because I feel my God calling me to move closer to Him. This world is ever changing and the evil we see will not cease until His return. It is up to use to press in and look to our God for direction in all we do. We cannot remain the same, but we must grow in God and allow him to set up his perfect love in our lives. In doing this, we make our steps as his righteous children and separate ourselves from the ways of this world. As he pours into our hearts a new hope, we use his word to tell others of the good news and keep ourselves covered in His presence, walking victoriously throughout the rest of our lives. As I write this, I am overwhelmed by his goodness and mercy, that he would yet again look down on me and give me words to speak! I cannot explain how it feels to know God is moving in your heart. It is a feeling of joy, love, and peace. I am excited for what God is doing in my life and I urge you to press in so you can tap into his presence! For each of you reading this I wish you love and great peace. As you spend this time with family and friends, remember our Lord and make time to give Him thanks. As for me, I am confident in this, I am blessed beyond measure because I seek the one who has it all! I know where my help comes from and because of this I can walk in hope. When I think about his good and all he's done for me, this joy that I feel is hard to contain!
When you read God's word and spend time meditating and praying you ignite a spark!
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