Be Still Mindset

I have thought about the years I spent striving, fighting, controlling, fixing, and stressing out, asking myself why? What was the purpose? Did it help? Yes and no would be my answer today.

The striving and fighting have given me hope, purpose, determination, willpower, and strength to refuse to sink and keep swimming.  It has given me the power to be family-focused and spiritual-focused in many of my decisions.  However, striving and fighting have also not always been mentally, physically, and emotionally healthy.  When I put into action seeking my desires and wants, I have not taken the time to be mindful of my health, my time, the need to be perfect, and the inventory list I mentally see goes on and on.  Relationships have been tough and scars that have taken time to heal, moments and memories faded and blurry, minutes and seconds went as quick as they came, and grace and mercy I could have given I kept stored for those that needed it so badly.  

Controlling and fixing is something that I have learned a lot about recently through one of the darkest times of my life.  I will never forget the day my mom and I were conversing (diagnosis for cervical cancer was given to my mom on 09/05/2020, and she died 11/05/2020). 

My mom said, “Are you afraid to die?” Looking back on this now, it makes sense, but when my mind was in the mindset of you got this, you will beat cancer, it did not.  I am not sure was my answer– I know Christ, I have accepted Christ, I know there is a better place than where we are today, but if I had to be honest, I couldn’t answer it “yes” or “no.” For her, she sat there so peacefully without hesitation and said she has never been afraid to die.  As I write this, I am blown away still.  I guarantee you she meant what she was saying.  My mom went on to tell me she has never been afraid to die, and she has known from the moment she could understand this place we call and read about – heaven.  This conversation was a perfect visual of the bible verse, “And the peace that surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus-Phillippians 4:6. My mom continued to tell me, everyone is always worried about petty things, trying to control and fix things, and how we think we have the power to do so. What she said next really made an impact on me.  What I got out of that conversation that day and my mom expressing her feelings was this there are only two things we are guaranteed – borrowed time, and you either know Jesus or you don’t.  

All the controlling and fixing is taxing on a person, and at the end of the day, you cannot fix or control anyone no matter how hard you try.  You can keep on trying, but you will only have missed out on what it means to “be still.” You will have missed out on all the beauty, miracles, hope, and grace of this world because your to busy trying to be the Marvel character saving the world.  You will have missed out on the moments you could have genuinely helped someone instead of trying to beat them down to change or talk them out of their way of life when they are not ready to change.  You will have missed what it means to “be still” and actively listen to them, so they come back for support. If you as a child/adult has been through things/unspeakable acts against, the need to control and fix is more important than anything because you had no control. It makes sense as you couldn’t control and fix things then.  However, if we are honest with ourselves, the only thing we can control and fix is our attitude, outlook, our mercy and grace, our perspective, our dreams and aspirations, our relationships to be healthy and not unhealthy, and our priority of understanding whom Jesus Christ is and living the best life on the borrowed time He has given us.  You have ZERO control and fixing powers to change the past, others, or situations.  The best you got if we are honest is the power of prayer, whether you believe it or not.  I say this because I have been in the line labeled – angry at God, hating Him, not knowing, and frankly thinking others were crazy (including my mom) that put so much trust in Him.  Then I learned a little more about “be still” and surrendered my life to Christ, and I continue to learn and grow about what “be still” really looks like.

True surrender and being still it’s risky. You risk embarrassment, grief, conflict, pain, and pride but the risk at the end is all so worth it.  The biggest risk you have to take is feeling your feelings and dealing with your feelings. There is nothing easy about this, but the road less traveled can bring freedom, new experiences, solid friendships, and a most importantly, a healthier YOU.  The stress you feel that seems to take over your life becomes manageable and a changed perspective of hope.  The day will soon look brighter and the night more peaceful. 

We have to stop trying to get ahead of God’s plan because you focus on what you want and think is the best. Most of us all know the country song “Unanswered Prayers” by Garth Brooks.

Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers

Remember when you’re talking to the man upstairs

That just because he doesn’t answer doesn’t mean he doesn’t care

Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers

Be still, take a rest but don’t give up; wait on God. Stop looking at where others are in life and every mistake you make.  Remember, progress, not perfection. 

    The next moment you want to strive for something, remember self-care, and think to yourself am I checking all the boxes on being mentally, emotionally, and physically healthy about how I am striving. 

    The next moment you want to fight, ask yourself, will this matter in a week or five years from now? The answer is probably not.  Is it worth the damage you are causing yourself and others to fight and have your way? Remember – Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” – Proverbs 13:3

        Side Note: If you are fighting for your life because of sickness, then, by all means, the answer is to keep fighting but let God led, and you trust even when it seems impossible.  Reach out to your support system. Let them join in the boxing ring with you. When you don’t have the strength, they will. 

    The next moment you want to control and fix, remember to let go of your need to do so.  Post this all over the place if you need to. This will help you quiet the fear and anxiety you are feeling. Be calm and the storms of life, and when you can’t, it’s ok to reach out to a solid support system.  Let your support system be there for you. I promise you are blessing them more than you think, not bugging them. Mourn when you need to and let your support system share in your grief. Self-reliance is overrated.