Grief Monster Part 2

Lilye Waters • February 9, 2023
Grief Monster Part 2

It has been 8 days since we buried my mom and the last time to see her alive 21 days. There are many valleys these days and a void that cannot be replaced. There are moments where I am happy for her because she is in a heavenly place and there are moments I feel selfish wanting her back here with the family. There are days where I feel like the grief is so much I can’t catch my breath and the hurt is like a knife cut. 



It’s interesting when you lose someone and maybe it has just been my experience. After losing my mom, I was out and about. At the first stop, I was in the store and a song came on about heaven and loss I fought hard to hold the tears back as the cashier asked me if I was ok. I explained I had just lost my mom and she said “you have been initiated into the grief club”. Then, as I was driving I drove past Hobby Lobby. This is when the tears were uncontrollable. My mom’s first outing after being home (with exceptions of doctor appointments) was Hobby Lobby. Let me tell you, this store has taken on a whole new meaning and to be honest very hard to go into. Last week, I was at HEB and I went past the cans of popcorn. I begin to cry over a can of popcorn because it was one of her requests the week she was put back into the hospital-sadly we could not find the popcorn at the time. Today, I had an appointment at the genetics center in Temple, and let me tell this was by far the hardest. Why? I had to go get bloodwork at the lab being the place I visited many times with my mom during her cancer journey. My anxiety was off the chart and I have to be honest a simple task to get blood taken seems like the hardest task.

Tornado Clip Art

The Grief Monster is an F5 tornado as the emotions are truly a whirlwind.  Even though I am very certain my mom is in heaven, the outcome has left a void and devastation in my heart.  Cancer has taken a toll on my mom’s family and she was the last in her immediate family to be diagnosed with it and sadly passing away.  Learning of her cancer, walking through her cancer, and losing her has been overwhelming.  I went from a whirlwind of phone calls, non-stop doctor appointments, keeping a schedule for the family to be there for assisting,  having late-night discussions with my mom, and so many others going on. Now the whirlwind has slowed down making room for The Grief Monster Part 2.  This is a very painful reality.


The reality, what a hard thing to accept sometimes. To accept that my mom will not be here in those precious moments – my children having children, holidays, birthdays, and the list goes on.  My birthday is coming up and she will not be here! No phone call or text from her.  My grandchild will be born in July and she will not be here.  The Grief Monster is rearing its ugly head and I am overwhelmed with emotions.


People say it takes time and that is true.  But the hole is there and it will be there.  Griefing is going to be a process like most things in life.  I believe you can read all the books, download all the apps, and watch all the videos but at the end of the day, this is not going to keep the grief monster out.  I believe that you have to allow the grief monster in and work through the process.  I believe it is not a journey that can be done alone and I believe it is not meant to be done alone. I believe that healing from your loss will be exhausting but you will have gained strength you did not know you had.  I believe the death of a loved one is not something to get over but something to teach you the importance of life, love, and laughter. 


There is truth to the cycle of loss – 1. Shock and denial, 2. Pain and guilt, 3. Anger and Bargaining, 4. Depression, Reflection, and Loneliness, 5. The Upward Turn, 6. Acceptance and Hope, 7. Reconstruction and Working Through.


The day my mom was diagnosed with cancer and days after I went through 1-3 and now I am at 4.  It is hard.  I remember wondering “why” her, “why” now,  and started to do my research. Digging into the “why” I came across an entry on the book of Psalms. Psalms 22:1-2 gives us the “why”. I love the way Psalms 22:1-2 is broken down in this blog entry. Check it out https://www1.cbn.com/prayerandcounseling/dealing-with-grief


The article discusses God and his place in tragedy. I recommend you check out the link.

Sunset

Real with a pure vulnerability.  I miss my mom like crazy and want her here.  I wish God’s plan would have been later for her death but it was not.  While I wish she was here I am willing to accept that it was her time to go.  While I miss her so much I accept that she is in a far better place and has gone to be with her mom and grandmother.  The reality and accepting not easy it’s a unique process that will not be cookie cutter.  So don’t be hard on yourself. Accept your grieving process is unique for you.


Grief is hard and if you are reading this please don’t do it alone. Reach out to me (lilyewaters@gmail.com) or reach out to someone close to you.  Grief is an emotion that requires a friend, loved one, and/or support group.

Two Women Smiling for Photo
Woman Smiling for Selfie

Lilye Waters

Lilye is inspired by her 20+ years of personal and professional experiences with the mission to encourage others to find beauty in the ashes and refuse to sink despite any obstacle. Lilye is a devoted mom, wife, and caseworker with years of experience in the social service field with emphasis on family and marriage, teaching, adoption, foster care, at risk youth, and mentoring young adults.

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